Being thankful to God that I've got my family, my friends and the one who holds me on his hand. Being the most caring, i might not be the one. Being the most understanding, i might not be the first. Holding me tightly saying "Things will be fine...". My tears running down with the love flowing out from my heart. All these while, from the nightmare that i've went through, i knew that u can make me live better than before. The obstacles infront of us, u can get throught it. I believe that no matter how hard it is, U will try ur best to keep us going on. Have faith in us. I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but i wish to be everything to someone.
Is there sumthin that i shud b worried of? I was wondering. Ever since the fight, i felt the emptiness in between us. Tat fight wasn't juz a normal ones. I knew that we're both hurt. Deep inside that the wound will hardly recover. I didn't know how to describe with words. I could feel my heart was twisted to dry until the last drop. I was thinking should we discuss over it. U keep repeating that it's my prob. It's my character. U might not know how hurt it would be that the words r coming out from u. U've over-judged me. I won't speak if ur temper only stays calm for that few seconds. I told you tat i'm gonna talk to u when we're juz d both of us. But u've taken whe wrong path. U've pass through the border between. U explode infront of others. I can say nuthin for that reaction. I will still choose silence no matter what. Even for now, i will still take silence as my answer. I am stubborn. I am. It's a doubt that i heard that two words from u. I wonder if i dun turn back, would u? I'm not sure if my turning is right o wrong. For the past, i might not be returning anymore. But i'm not sure if i've made the right decision. The time when u speaks, i could feel that i've lost my trust, my faith n my love. I can see no love but anger in ur eyes. I hated that a lot. lots. I'm so afraid to tell that i am still so hurt n being disappointed. I feel unsecure. Will the cut stays long in us? I'm doubt. If i could still build the love once more like before. These days when i was talking to u, I still feel tat the situation now is much more different than before. There is this gate tat i think i will nvr get through. Things happened. It just happened. I knew that u won't promise tat u won't repeat. Even yes, i dun nid that to be promised. It's not wt i can bear with in the future if it's broke one day.
It was actually juz a small matter that i was jealous of. I just don't like to knw bout u from anyone else's mouth besides you, urself. I admit tat i am jealous. Jealous of y u're not telling me. I know u're angry of me d nite before. I knew that i was wrong. I did wanna talk to u to know if u're angry. I can c tat u're not happy tat nite when i was back. Tat's y i'm staying by urside. I didn't know if tat fight is worth. I've nvr expected tat u're gonna treat me this way.
What happened in the past, is not wt u thought. U're not me, u can't say wt is wrong n right. My situation is nt wt u can understand. He from my past, treating me the same way, tat doesn't meant tat u can judge me tat i am wrong. I nid not explain much about the past since tat now n tommorrow is wat important now.
The devil took away the trust. The evil demolished the love tat we, hardly built. I'm still not tat tough enuf. I still hear the cry in my innerself.
Can things still turn out like be4? O it's different for now? None can answer.
I'm afraid tat i'll still serve you silence. If the way tat we've chosen is still not right.
It hits me again. When the door banged twice. My heart freeze. I really freezed. Where should i run to? Who should i run to? Lost in the street. Rewind. Harsh. Words are taking me down. I guess i should leave. To no where. I've done wt i can.
Thanks P for being there. I knew that u're all the way behind me. At least i felt the warmth when i'm shivering in the cold. Thanks a lot.
Have u ever felt how it is when someone juz told you how much u've been interupting their life? What does S-O-C-I-A-L defines? People meeting people. People talks about stuff to people. People gossips about people. People making out with people. People hang out with people. People make a deal with people. There are so much going on out there. Meeting people isn't just treating them nice. Meeting people, will have to choose the right way of making the right time with the right conversation. Did i juz interupt too much? Probably i am. I shouldn't juz c the bad side of it. It might be good that i'm staying away from your life. To make it straight forward, we call it "M.E.A.N" To make it sounds better, we call it "H.O.N.E.S.T" We turn up to be strangers. I've apologize for what i've done that causes u feeling bad. U're apologized back but asking for me to leave. Well, u just don't nid me as ur fren. I hurts me when i've got it from u. I've been treating u as my pal. Yet things turn out to be a burden to u. I am a burden. That's y u kick my ass out of ur world. Ignoring me. People treating people nice is a crime? Or i just don't deserve to have a friend? It's not like i'm dumped by any guys. But it just some how makes me feel sad. I'm offering any help that i could. But seems like things doesn't work out that easy.
Things wasn't in hand lately. My relationship is going from good to bad to high to low.... Life is like a rollercoaster. Yes it is. I know. We take all these to get us grown up. I am out of control. I drived myself to the highway, speedup, and bang! Who do u think is the one pointing the directions in the game. When things speedup, it wasn't a good thing. Like one of my friend said, "Test drive is safe. u won't wanna regret after u bought it, right?" Yea. The fact is true. But wt he is pointing is sumthin about 18sx. U wouldn't know how things work out if u'll never try rite?
Walking around. Sitting back on the same spot. Turning my heads around. What is wrong with me?! I couldn't make my heart stay healthy. There is sumthin that twisted my heart. Me myself couldn't figure it out what is wrong with me. I wanted to shout it out there. Vigorously. Hoping that it will help me out. But. Hey. Where am i now? Polices are everywhere. Petrolling with bicycle. I'm like a piece of sh*t right now. In a sudden i lost myself. Things aren't running smoothly lately. Am i just that sad? I wish i could run to no where. I nid not talk to any1. Not to bother of what they r thinking. Not to think of the plans tat i should do. I knew that i shud spend more time on my studies right now. The paper is coming soon. Before it's too late. I just didn't have the mood for it. What is wrong?!!!!!!!!!
I totally hav no idea wt shud i do now. Sitting here in the room. Didn't know whom to talk to. I started to like my life back here to my own place at the start. But sum how, there is a sudden that i feel like i'm annoying to others? I don't join people back in my place here. Neither also the people in my class. Anti-social? mayb that's the problem. I didn't see any1 that i really can talk to as being frens here. It's really hard for me to take things sumtime. I was wondering, y shud i treat them nice since they r not treating me back the same way? "u musn't think like tat. u shud b treating evry1 out there all the same. doesn't matter how they treat u back. as long as u knw what u're doing wasn't harming urself." he said. i understand. sumhow, i still couldn't find a way of solving that mentally. I dun make much new frens here. I don't hang out with any of the people i met here. I am bored with the faces here. I wanted to get new faces. But i'm juz not good in socializing and finding out topic to talk about. Sumhow, i couldn't control wt others r thinking. "She might have sumthin hidden behind that she wanted from me, therefore she is coming closer to me" might b what they thought. Making new frens is harder nowadays. Yet, who will remember me either. I guess i've started to live in the world of my own.
11th August 2009 Today, earthquake again. Around 5am when we're still on our bed. Suddenly the bed shakes. I was awake looking at him. "It will be fine. Don't worry..." I was quite surprised. It quite strong this time. Heard from the news that its magnitude is 6.6 for the one today. Feel so insecure right now here in Japan. What to do?! Pray hard is all what i can say... Pray for me....
Miss Wee. Born on 07 October 1988. Malaysian. Mirian. Loves window shopping. Day-dreaming. Enjoy chit-chatting with friends. Being a new kid here in Japan. Living a new life. Enjoy my life to the fullest.